Where You Find It
by itslivinginallofus
Summary: Lexie and Meredith meet for the first time... with a twist. Since I suck at summaries, that's the best I can do! Meredith/Lexie, Lexie/Meredith. Read author's note first. Don't like, don't read, don't flame, thanks! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's. Forever jealous of Shonda!**

_**A LENGTHY (YET IMPORTANT) AUTHOR'S NOTE -**_

_Before you read this fic, it comes with a strong warning - I decided to step outside my comfort zone in an attempt to challenge myself and offer a different perspective on things. And by different, I mean write an Meredith/Lexie fic._

_This story contains strong sexual content between half sisters. If you decide to read, you'll see why there's kind of a loophole, but the facts of who they are in relationship to one another still remain. (Sounds weird and vague, I know, but it makes more sense when you read it)._

_I encourage all those who are comfortable with this (or even just curious) to read the story as I'm working very hard on it, however, I do NOT just want a bunch of comments in regards to how 'wrong' this pairing is, and any reviews of that nature will be reported (as I've already had to do once). If you feel that way, then you probably shouldn't read to begin with, hence the warning. Love it or hate it, that's fine, but if it's not something you want to read to begin with, I ask that you don't._

_Okay, enough of my insecurities... here we go!_

In retrospect, Meredith finds it hysterical that all she had really wanted that night was to get shitfaced to the point of reckless oblivion.

She considered the fact that most people would agree on it being the worst night for her to drink. After all, it was the first night she had been alone after returning from Hawaii, the last night of her vacation, and the night before her first day as a surgical resident. After a good few seconds, she tossed the thought away with the rationalization that it was practically her mantra at this point to do the opposite of what 'most people,' would, and really, who was she to prove anyone wrong this time?

When they were in Hawaii, she and Cristina had tried, and failed, to hook up with the locals. Cristina had grumbled that something in the water must make the men there stupid. Meredith silently theorized that it might have had more to do with both of their epic breakups playing on the forefront of their subconscious. Aloud, however, she fervently agreed with Cristina as they collapsed into their shared queen-sized bed for the night.

For the entirety of their trip, Meredith had stopped after only one or two drinks each night, realizing that one of them had to be at least semi-responsible. Considering they were staying in the resort Burke had booked for he and Cristina's would-be honeymoon, Meredith made the executive decision that it should probably be her. But now that they were back in Seattle with one night to spare, she was hoping it could be her turn to self-medicate in an attempt to distract herself from the likelihood she would run into Mr. "I can't breathe for you" the next day. But as luck would have it, Cristina decided she needed to spend the night alone, sober, and asleep, so the plan had to change.

She went to Joe's alone, aiming to drown - figuratively - in as much free - hopefully - liquor as humanly possible. She knew that Joe was a sucker for a sob story, and she hoped to whine and schmooze and call upon fake tears, if necessary. But after her first three shots, all paid for by her, her 'act' started to feel less like an act as her woozy mind swarmed with the reality of another failed relationship. Of, yet again, not being good enough.

Hoping that this was her chance to gain Joe's attention despite the crowd of patrons, Meredith dropped her head face-first to the cold, sticky bar, regretting it immediately, but knowing she should milk it a little bit longer. The next voice she heard was a female's, to the left of her, and she jolted her head up to see a brunette with vivid brown eyes, likely a little younger than her. She was pretty; really pretty, and Meredith thought that something about her looked familiar, even though they had never met.

"Bad day?"

"Hmm?" She halted before continuing. "Ohh... more like a bad... month. Or maybe year. The jury's still out on that one."

"Ouch! Well, then, I guess my bad day pales in comparison," she said with a smile.

Meredith rested her head on her hand and squinted as she scrutinized the other woman. "Is your bad day because of a boy?"

"Only partly, but yes. An ex-boy, anyway."

"Me, too!_A recently ex-boy_," she said loudly, leaning toward Joe as she spoke who at that point was clearly on to her as he narrowed his glance in her direction. "What did yours do?" she continued.

"Ahh, just stupid little things. Like thinking he can have any control over me still, even though we're done and on opposite sides of the country. And like me being crazy enough to think that he was actually calling to comfort me when I really needed it, but instead he was calling to criticize me. Telling me, of all things, at all times, to grow up."

"See? What is wrong with guys?" Meredith asked emphatically. "I mean, really! Look at you, you're hot, you're – you're a good speaker, meaning you're smart, you're – you're nice. There was a time that being hot was all they needed! And now it's like, they want you to be serious and grown up and I mean, what even is grown up? The world is sad and it's dark and it's twisty, and sometimes you can't be serious and grown up, and sometimes it's okay to need space and to just drink and laugh and, and – over share with strangers at a bar! It's not something they should be able to control."

Lexie laughed. "Yeah, well... I guess that's a truth we'll just have to sit with on our own, for now." They smiled at each other for a moment of surprisingly comfortable silence. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Suddenly, Meredith felt a little stuck. 'Can I buy you a drink?' is pretty much universal bar speak for 'I'm flirting with you,' or so she thought. Every time she used that line, or had it used on her, she went home with someone (or was at least on the receiving end of an unsatisfactory kiss that therefore severed the going home part). Not that she'd be oblivious to the fact that a woman could hit on her, or opposed to the idea. She had her fair share of tipsy lesbian make out sessions and even one three-month fling in college, but that was years ago. Still, it's the best offer she can see at first glance, and Joe doesn't seem to be a likely wingman that night.

"Sure. Tequila, please."

"Ooh. Hardcore. Straight?"

Thrown, Meredith's head snapped up. "Excuse me?"

Lexie smiled and cleared her throat. "Uh, your tequila. Do you drink it straight?'

"Oh."_That's embarrassing_, she scolded herself, but didn't let it show. "Yes, please."

After ordering Meredith's drink and a beer for herself, Lexie pointed the neck of her bottle toward Meredith's shot glass as they met in a clink before taking their respective sips.

Dabbing a knuckle at the corner of her mouth, Lexie spoke up once more. "So, are you originally from Seattle?"

Once again, Meredith quickly took a mental step back. "Can we - actually not do the thing?"

"The thing?"

"The thing where we make small talk about where we're from and what we do and pretend to actually care?" she clarified. Her mind couldn't help but wander to the last instance she said similar words, feeling anxious the more she recalled how tragically naive they had been the first time.

Lexie appeared confused. "But... I actually do care. Kind of. "

"Oh." _Shit. Abort, abort_. "Well, this is kind of awkward, then. "

"I - I didn't , mean to -"

"Look, you seem like a sweet girl. A sweet girl who lets people in and wants to get to know them. That's not me. I'm not that girl. I just got done trying to be that girl, for a guy, and this is where it got me. Half in the bag at Joe's hitting on a girl for the first time in years. A girl I met 5 minutes ago."

The brunette looked down with a small smirk as just a hint of blush colored her cheeks. "So... it wasn't just my imagination that we were kind of flirting?"

"And know what the funny thing is? That's so not what I came here for! I wanted to sit here by myself so that Joe would see how pathetic I am and give me free liquor. And if that didn't work, then I'd find some grunting, drunk asshole who would buy me drinks and think he was getting sex in return, and then when he wasn't looking, I'd run for the nearest cab. But instead here you are, sweet and strangely sexy and I don't even want to use you for drinks. I want to use you for sex. And then I realize that I'm just as bad as the grunting, drunk assholes that I was going to use for drinks, and you're all sweet and open, so I can't do that. And now I'm trying not to think about it, but I can't stop looking at your ass and wondering what kind of underwear you have on. So, I think the best thing for me to do is tell you good night and walk away."

When Meredith's brain caught up a few seconds later with her inebriated, run-on rant, she was sure her babbling alone would be enough to send this woman running for the exit. Except it didn't. Conversely, the brunette looked puzzled and eager once again to capture Meredith's gaze.

"Wait, just - forget I made things awkward, okay? We don't have to do 'the thing' if you don't want, we can just -"

"- But you're still the sweet, open, unaffected-by-me girl you were just a minute ago, so no, we can't just ignore 'the thing' without it being a thing, you know?" Meredith felt bad, but accomplished in proving her point once Lexie sighed in defeat. "Have a good night," she finished.

Meredith stood, pressing on the tips of her toes as she reluctantly asked Joe to call her a cab. Suddenly, a sigh that was on its way out retracted into a sharp gasp as she felt lips ghosting over her left ear.

"A thong, black silk. That's the kind of underwear I'm wearing," Lexie husked heavily. Meredith turned to the slightly taller girl, showing her that she once again had her attention. "Oh, and I can do that little trick where I tie a cherry stem with my tongue. Just for the record."

Meredith couldn't suppress the shiver that shot down her back nor the tightening of arousal in her stomach that the alcohol was only making harder to ignore. She sat back down and subtly scooted her bar stool an inch closer. "You're good," she admitted with a smile.

The brunette likewise grins in clear self-satisfaction as she extends her hand. "I'm... Alexandra," she says tentatively.

Meredith catches the hesitation immediately. "Wow, giving me a fake name. You really are committing to not doing 'the thing'!"

"It's not exactly –"

"No, I like it! Let me think of one, too,"

"It's not – I, I just thought in the spirit of 'growing up', I'd go for something a bit more mature. A change, you know? Everyone calls me –"

"- I'll be what's-her-face!" Meredith declares triumphantly.

An eyebrow darts up. "What's-her-face. That's the best you can come up with?"

"Yes, because if anyone asks you who you met last night, you'll have to say 'oh, it was what's-her-face.' And I'll say 'fake-name-girl.' And it will remind you that I'm nothing. No one. Just sex."

Lexie laughed loudly, head slightly thrown back. "And you say I'm committed to not doing 'the thing.'

"Shut up," Meredith said with a playful shove, letting the hand that started on Lexie's shoulder drag slowly down her arm. "Are we getting out of here or what?"

Leaning over the bar, Lexie raised her voice in Joe's direction. "We won't be needing that cab after all, thanks." Turning back to Meredith she continued, "My car's outside, and I've only had half-a-beer. But it has to be your place."

Meredith shamelessly scanned the other woman's body as she stood to pay the tab.

"After you, anonymous," Lexie jested.

Meredith laughed as she slid past her. "It's what's-her-face! Get it right!"

"Oh, that's right, I'm deeply sorry," she replied with a blithe eye-roll.

Meredith knew she had stopped laughing, however, when she practically felt the smirk fade of of Lexie's face as soft lips once again brushed her ear from behind. "Although you do realize that if you never tell me your name, I'll have nothing to scream out later."

Meredith stopped just short of the door, suddenly feeling dizzy from what she pretended was the tequila. Swallowing hard, she cast a glance backward. "You're good, fake-name-girl, but not that good."

Squeezing past Meredith to push open the door, Lexie sighed. "Can't blame me for trying."


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, if there's anyone out here still reading this, before I say anything further, I owe you all a massive apology. Between being daunted by harsh flame reviews, working full time, and the regular beast of writer's block, this story took a longer hiatus than was ever expected or intended. The funny part is, what I'm posting now has for the most part been written in full for months, but I had initially had a different idea for the structure of this story, so I kept feeling like this chapter couldn't stand on its own. I'm hoping I'm wrong, and that chapter 3 will close out this leg of the journey appropriately, since I intend for it to be a sequel. Anyway, if anyone's still reading, I thank you deeply for doing so, and for bearing with me. I hope you enjoy, as all things considered, this has been a labor of love so far, and as always, your thoughts, feedback, and reviews are greatly appreciated. Without further ado, enjoy!**

Lexie is a really good kisser. Meredith likes the way her tongue traces the circumference of her lips teasingly before sliding it past her teeth and into her mouth.

Meredith likes a lot of things about Lexie.

She can't help but be enthralled by the way Lexie just goes with it, the way she doesn't resist or try to take over. They work in tandem, consuming and allowing themselves to be consumed, and Meredith almost finds it ironic that she can't remember the last time she felt so in-sync with someone.

Like how when she sends Lexie flying backward onto the bed with a hard push, instead of just laying in wait, Lexie fervently grabs at Meredith, pulling her on top of her by the shoulders and effectively shooting the dirty blonde's libido through the roof, which she pays forward by yanking down Lexie's jeans and panties in one quick motion.

The way she moans unabashedly when Meredith roughly fucks her. The way she begs for more when Meredith asks if she's going too hard. The way she begs a little more pathetically when she realizes how much her begging the first time turned Meredith on. And when Lexie's shining brown eyes lock with Meredith's as she comes, screaming and clamping tightly around three fingers, it cuts through the older woman like a ten-blade. It may be the hottest thing she's ever seen.

She takes an unexpected pleasure in watching the spent brunette take deep, shuddered breaths while attempting to recover, and when she leans down to kiss her, still straddling Lexie's hips, it feels more instinctive than it probably should. Like it's something she's been doing for ages.

"That was incredible," Lexie whispered against Meredith's lips, "but now it's your turn."

For someone who was as cavalier about relatively-anonymous sex as Meredith was, a fear of losing control seemed to creep up and dominate her every time she found herself in this kind of situation. She wasn't sure which of the two was worse: her typical prospects' desire to smugly exert power over her, or the equally-chauvinistic-while-pretending-not-to-be, 'you just lay there and enjoy it, I'll do all the work' method (a Derek Shepherd favorite). All she knew was they both threw a wrench in her attempts at maintaining any shred of control over a life that felt her own about 30% of the time, and she hated it.

Somehow, Lexie not only sensed her apprehension, but the reason for it as she flashed Meredith a sexy smile and sat upright. "No need to worry, you can still be on top."

Meredith was floored as to how she could have possibly known, how this complete stranger managed to decipher something so deeply personal and in a sentence, dispel all of her fear. But the more she thought about it, the more curious and complicated it threatened to become, and all she really wanted now was to get off, since all of Lexie's noises brought her nearly to the brink. So, instead of voicing her questions, she smiled into their next kiss while arching up to let Lexie strip her of her underwear.

It only took a moment to realize what Lexie was doing when she laid down on her back and pulled Meredith into a seated position just below the base of her neck, and when the brunette's tongue connected with her dripping center from below, she discovered yet another thing she likes about Lexie.

When her head flew backward from the impact of a moan ripping out of her throat, she realized that it might, in fact, be the first thing she _loves _about Lexie.

What Meredith didn't expect was to be wrapped in her one-night-stand's arms, two hours later, crying.

She couldn't remember if one specific thing got the tears started, but she's certain it's mostly the alcohol's fault. She also considers that there's something about Lexie that somehow evoked this ability to let go of the weeks of sadness plaguing her, but she pushed the thought from her mind before it can even fully process.

She remembers falling asleep not long after a few sloppy and breathless post-coital kisses, and despite what would likely be an awkward morning, she let the brunette decide for herself whether or not she'd spend the night, and as suspected, she opted to stay. The next thing she remembers is waking up from a dream that she knew had something to do with the near-drowning and her mom's last words and not being enough for Derek and Susan's death and Thatcher severing any last hope they had at having a relationship, and it all hit her, hard, for the first time.

And despite the fact that the amount of tears and deeply personal information pouring out of Meredith's battered soul should have scared away even the bravest of individuals, Lexie didn't run. She held Meredith tightly, stroking long, dirty-blonde strands through her fingers and dropping the occasional comforting kiss on her forehead, which was burrowed firmly into the crook of Lexie's neck. "Let it out. It's okay," she'd whisper when Meredith was forced to pause for air. It was cliché; Meredith knew that, especially having memorized every canned phrase designed to comfort patients and their families over the past few years. But somehow, she believed it, even if part of her was ignoring logic to do so.

Lexie cleared her throat, breaking the silence that was only otherwise occupied by Meredith's intermittent crying. "You know, at my mom's funeral, I didn't cry, not once. Everyone else, my. my dad and my sister and our extended family. . even people who barely knew her were all bawling, and. . looking at me like I was a monster for holding it together. But even with her laying there in a casket in front of me, somehow I felt like if I didn't cry, it wasn't real. So, I didn't. I was numb for days. Then a call came into the house for my mom; some stupid telemarketing call or something. And I lost it. I laid down on the kitchen floor and cried. So hard that I dehydrated. And afterward even though my eyes burned and my throat was sore and dry, I felt so much better. Pain needs to be real before we can deal with it, you know?"

Meredith felt herself slowly regain composure the more that Lexie spoke. Part of her felt compelled to share the news of her own mother's death, or to offer condolences for Lexie's loss, but then she remembered that she was what's-her-name, and this was fake-name-girl, and this was only supposed to be sex. So she didn't.

The one thing she was having trouble shaking, though, was this increasingly mysterious stranger's ability to perceive things about her that Meredith tried so hard, and usually succeeded at, trying to conceal from the world at large. First, it was her fear of losing control, and now this. So, she paused to find her voice, and in her trademark defiant-child tone, asked, "How'd you know I don't deal with things?" as she wiped the last of the tears from her eyes.

Lexie's only response to her question was a knowing smile, followed by a soft kiss pressed to Meredith's temple. "Get some rest. It's late."


End file.
